Why the hell can't Microsoft Word ever recognize my name? MBL.

Today, I checked facebook and saw about 6 friend requests from brown guys located in india and pakistan telling me how pretty I am. Why can't no brown boy from america say the same to me? MBL.

Today at walmart our total was $14.73. Instead of giving $15, my mom gave $14 and took an extra 5 minutes trying to find .74 cents so that she wouldn't have to break a dollar. MBL.

Today, my family went to a restaurant where they offered free refills on drinks. My dad ordered one drink and 6 empty glasses. MBL.

Today, I brought a girl over after the club and told her to be extra quite so she won't wake up my "roommates." My roommates are my parents. MBL.

Today, my mom got an american flag sticker for my car so people won't think I'm a terrorist. MBL.

Today, I watched Titanic with my parents and covered my eyes when the red head stripped down naked. I'm 30 years old. MBL.

When I was little, my mother used to make pissing noises when she wanted me to pee. She claimed it would magically make me piss even when I didn't want to. It always worked. MBL.

Today we ran out of hot sauce during dinner. Fortunately, my mother busted out with a container of KFC and Tacobell hotsauce packets. MBL.

Today my mom was packing to go visit Pakistan. She packed 2 suitcases, one for her clothes, and the other for candy, shampoo, lotion, spaghetti, perfume, and deodorant to give as gifts to my relatives. Who the hell gives spaghetti as a gift? MBL.

Today I caught my mom red handed. She stole the towels from the hotel we stayed at. MBL.

Today, my dad taught my little cousin how to swim. He threw him into the pool and watched. It worked. MBL.

"Yo MLID and ISD, I'm gonna let you finish. But MBL is one of the best Indian websites of all time!" - Kanye West

My girlfriend named me Kiran in her phone book just incase her parents read her text messages and view her call logs. MBL.

Today, I was walking around my church with my friends and some lady made the "chichh chichh" noise. We all turned around thinking it was our mothers. MBL.

Today, we found a way to fit 6 of us in my Toyota Corolla. Can you white people do that? MBL.

Today, my dad brought home a dog from the pound. My mom yelled and ran around in circles, then some how broke the coffee table. The dog didn't even chase her. MBL.

Today, my aunt gave me $100 as a going away to college present. Even though deep down I wanted the money, I had to refuse about 3-4 times, tell her that she doesn't have to, call my mom over to argue with her, and then take the money with a humble look on my face, even though deep down I was very, very happy. MBL.

Today, I told my mother I was going to live in New York after college. She asked when she should start packing. MBL.

Today, an Indian telemarketer called me trying to sell me Dish network. He asked my name, realizing that it was an Indian name, he mentioned that he can give me a special deal on ZTV and TVAsia. In an Indian accent I asked him \"Yaar, do I look like an Indian to you? Sala benchod.\" He was very confused.

Today at church they announced that the person with the "Toyota Camry" needs to move their car. About half the people got up and went to go check. MBL.

Today, I told my sister that the mendhi she puts on her hands smells worse than my shit. She slapped me while the mendhi was still wet. Now my face smells like shit. MBL.

I didn't feel like playing on my high school basketball team anymore. Instead of quitting the team months ago, I waited till I got my free basketball shoes and then quit. MBL.

Today, my family ditched Coca Cola for Pak Cola. Not because of better taste, but because it supports our country. MBL.

Today, at the movies, my dad looked at a movie poster with al pacino and said, "look, beta, there's al cappucino." He was serious. MBL.

Today i went into the freezer to get some ice cream, got excited as my favorite flavor was in there, opened up the tub to find left over dinner mushed together. MBL.

Today, I put aside about 20 old shirts to donate that I knew I would never wear. Tonight I come back and see that my mom decided to keep 10 of my shirts for herself, put 5 back in my closet for me to wear, and used 2 as cleaning rags. Totaling only 3 shirts that I will donate. MBL.

Today, I told my 3 year old cousin that he smells like poop. He came back at me and said, "teri ma." MBL.

Today, I realized that the same hand I use to wipe my ghand is the same hand I use to eat food. MBL.

Today I took my mom out to a restaurant to eat. When we got our food, the first thing she says is "I can make this at home, why don't you just pay me the $10 and keep the tip?" MBL.

Today, I brought home food from chili's in a to-go box and ate it that night. The next day my mom used the same to-go box to put my lunch in. MBL.

Today, my mom bought me an XL t-shirt. She told me I would "grow into it beta." WTF she expects me to grow to XL? MBL.

Today, I went to an Indian supermarket and noticed that their shopping carts had the Walmart logo on them. MBL.

Today, I had a staring competition against the brown lady in the Toyota Camry. She totally blinked first. MBL.

Today, I realized how cheap my friends are when one of them borrowed my Nike sweats and tried to sell it back to me when I asked for them back. MBL.

Today, there were 4 dhai cartons in the fridge. None of them contained dhai. MBL.

Today, my mom made me walk back over my sister, because walking over her once would apparently keep her short. MBL.

Today, my mother told me that I look "wery much handsome" when I part my hair to the side instead of spiking it up. MBL.

Today, my desi doctor asked me if I was sexually active. She said I could trust her and she wouldn't tell my parents so I told her that I was. She told my parents, that bi*ch. MBL.

Today, while reading a book in my room upstairs, my dad called me on my cell phone to come downstairs to his study. When I got there, he ordered me to pick up the pen he'd dropped and hand it to him. After I'd done so, he dismissed me. MBL

Today, my friends were making fun of a girl with a mustache. She walked by and they pointed her out. That girl is my sister. MBL.

Today I called Dell Support to fix a problem I was having with my laptop. After an hour, the Indian support rep was unsuccessful with solving my problem. Occasionally he would get frustrated with me and start calling me a "bevakoof gandu" to his co-worker thinking I was an American. Yeah I ratted his ass out, got him fired, and got me a brand new Dell laptop. Whose the "bevakoof gandu" now you chod face? MBL.

Today, the big mug that I got free from my university was the same mug I was washing my ass with on the commode. MBL.

Today, my mom called me 4 times in the span of an hour asking where I was and when I would come home. I'm 24 years old. MBL.

Today, I went to subway and got free chips and a drink because the employee was brown. When I said thank you the lady replied, "Mention not." MBL.

Today, my mom asked me if I'm still sad that my favorite basketball player Michael Jackson had passed away. MBL.

Today, my mom cleaned all the plastic forks and spoons that we ate with and put them back in the drawer for next time. MBL.

Today, I received 5 T-shirts from relatives in Pakistan. They all say "Adidaas." MBL

Today, I came back to Pakistan for the first time in 15 years. I was terrified to take a shit in the squatting toilets in fear of something jumping up out of the hole and crawling up my ass. MBL.

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a party. Her direct response was, "Where is this 'party sharty' that you are going to?" MBL.

Today, my mom asked me what did one milk say to the other one in our fridge? "What is up dood?" She laughed nonstop for 2 minutes. MBL.

I slept over at my cousin's house to play some games. In the morning my uncle told me to brush my teeth, I told him I forgot my toothbrush, He told me to use my finger with toothpaste. MBL

Today, I told my mom to pick up some hair gel for my job interview. I woke the next morning to a bottle of coconut oil on my bathroom sink. MBL

Today, my mom bought some jeans from Macy's and came home. She went to go check the mail and found a 20% off coupon for Macy's. She immediately went back to the store to return the jeans and buy them again with the coupon. MBL.

Today, instead of buying food at movies, my mom brought a big purse of candy and started selling it in the theater. MBL.

2 times in my life I've seen my dad cry: the first was when I told him I had a boyfriend, the second was when I told him I broke up with my boyfriend. The difference: the second was of happiness. MBL

Today, I told my uncle I was going to the NBA. He laughed and said "brown man can't jump." MBL.

Tonight, my mom wouldn't let me finish my english project at night because it required cutting some paper. The project is due tomorrow. She rather have me fail than have bad luck. MBL.

Today, I refused to eat what my mom made for dinner because I wasn't hungry. An hour later, she came storming in my room telling me how she feels that I don't love and admire her for what she does for the family because I didn't have her food for one night. MBL.

On the day before christmas my dad told me to make sure and "rape" all the gifts. Of course he meant for me to WRAP all the gifts. MBL.

Today I told my mom that my shampoo bottle was empty. I came back into my bathroom later to find the shampoo bottle turned upside down on it's head. My mom said there is still enough shampoo for quite a few days. MBL.

Today, my dad had to go to the ER for digging too far in his ear with his car keys. MBL.

Today my brown friend gave me a present for my birthday. She put my gift in the same gift bag that I gave her on her birthday. MBL.

I complained to my father that I had to walk 10 blocks in the cold and he replied: \"when I was your age I walked 20 miles to school everyday in the snow\". He lived in India. MBL.

At my graduation, instead of yelling and screaming my name when I got up, my family decided to play the dole and scream "hoy hoy hoy!" MBL.

Today I asked my mom if I could go out at night with my friends. She asked me "if they go jump from a cliff, would you want to also?" MBL.

Today, I learned how to dance to hindi music. Step 1 - put your hands up in the air. Step 2 - turn the imaginary lightblub out of the air until it comes out. Step 3 - Repeat steps 1 and 2. MBL.

Today, my friends and I all pitched in for a Lacoste shirt and then argued on who would get to wear it first. MBL.

Today, my mom asked me to take the trash out only to find out that it was actually 7 WALMART plastic bags with trash smelling like curry, MBL

Today I wore a red hijab to school. People started referring to me as "the hooded one." MBL.

the only two times my parents have watched the oscars have been when lagaan and slumdog were nominated. MBL.

Today, I couldn't wash my hands because we ran out of liquid soap. So my mom takes the soap bottle, adds water into it, and shakes it up. Problem solved. MBL.

Today, my new roommate asked me why there is an empty wet gatorade bottle by the tiolet. MBL.

Every night I make my boyfriend call me with a blocked number so my dad cant see who I talk to for so long on the phone bill. MBL.

Today, I ate McDonalds and asked for two buffalo sauces. While I was only able to complete one sauce, I saved the other sauce in the fridge as back up. MBL.

The other day, my uncle told me to go get his iPod touch from upstairs. I couldn't find it, so i told him. Infuriated, he went upstairs to find it. he did, and instead of insulting me normally, he called me a "dukkan". It means bottle cap. Who the hell calls their nephew a fricking bottle cap? MBL.

3 days ago I ate my mom's Haleem. Since that day, I have used the shitter 6-8 times a day. MBL.

Today, my white friend asked me if I ever randomly stopped what I was doing and started singing randomly, while all the people around me some how knew all the dance steps and lyrics to my song. MBL.

Today, my mom tried to convince me eating the brains of an animal makes you smarter. MBL.

Today, my girlfriend told me I was too dark and that I should use the "Fair and Lovely" skin whiting lotion that she gets from Jackson Heights. MBL.

Today, a random girl comes up to me at school and says, "You're the Daal in my Chavaal.". MBL.

Today, my friend who has been at college for months came to my house to hang out with me. After he left, my mother, with the biggest smile on her face, eyebrows up, and nodding her head up and down commented, "He's getting very "healdy", isn't he?" MBL.

Today, instead of being happy that Anoop Desai, a fellow desi, made it far in American Idol, my Paki mother hoped that "Indian baaasturd" would lose. MBL.

Last night I had curry and roti for dinner. Today someone asked me why my fingernails were yellow. MLB

Today, my father watched Opera for the first time because Abhishek Bachan and Aishwarya Rai were guests today. MBL.

Today, I brought some school friends over to my house to work on a project. When we reached my house one friends asks why towels were in my yard. I turn and look to find my grandmother laying out towels and bedsheets to dry all over the yard and porch! MBL.

Today, my mom told me that if I ever kiss a guy I'll have to marry him immediately. MBL.