Today, I went to the gym and got a free 7 day trial. This is my 10th time getting it, each with different names. MBL.

Today I was just spinning my little brothers hat in my hand because I was bored and then my mom sees me and gasps and yells at me " What are you doing? STOP that! your brother will get a headache if you spin his hat like that" and then shes mad at me for the whole day. He didn't get a headache but I got one from all her yelling. MBL

Today, a random girl comes up to me at school and says, "You're the Daal in my Chavaal.". MBL.

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time the other night when he asked me if I had any protection. Embarrassed, I told him I still had the condoms my previous relationship left but they probably would be too small for him. The condoms engulfed his penis with room to spare. MBL.

Today, my family came over from Pakistan and each of them asked if I remembered them. Though I don't recall ever seeing them in my life, I put on a smile, nodded my head, and said "how could I forget my favorite _____ (insert: aunt, cousin, uncle, etc)." MBL.

Today my mom was packing to go visit Pakistan. She packed 2 suitcases, one for her clothes, and the other for candy, shampoo, lotion, spaghetti, perfume, and deodorant to give as gifts to my relatives. Who the hell gives spaghetti as a gift? MBL.

Today, my desi doctor asked me if I was sexually active. She said I could trust her and she wouldn't tell my parents so I told her that I was. She told my parents, that bi*ch. MBL.

Today, my dad started picking his ears with the car key even though the Q-Tips were right in front of him. MBL.

Today, my mom asked me why she couldn't access the "Goggles.com" website. MBL.

Today, I noticed that I enjoy laughing at other brown peoples brown moments on MBL. MBL.

Tonight, I got drunk, made out with a guy, and puked all over the floor. Tomorrow, people I don\'t even know will call me a slut. MBL.

Today i was sitting in a restaurant with my family when they started talking about accepting anyone into the family when i decide to marry and how they do not mind whoever i choose, i thought this would be a good time to tell them i was going out with a boy from New Zealand for 2 years, they told me if i ever brought him home, i would have no home!?! MBL

Today, my mom told me that if I ever kiss a guy I'll have to marry him immediately. MBL.

Today i went into the freezer to get some ice cream, got excited as my favorite flavor was in there, opened up the tub to find left over dinner mushed together. MBL.

Today we ran out of hot sauce during dinner. Fortunately, my mother busted out with a container of KFC and Tacobell hotsauce packets. MBL.