Today, my father told me we would go on a family vacation to India. Who the hell vacations in India? MBL.

Today, an auntie started to brag to my mom about her son being so smart and athletic. All I could think about was how only if she knew how big of a dumbass and pothead he is, that'll shut her up. MBL.

Today, my family came over from Pakistan and each of them asked if I remembered them. Though I don't recall ever seeing them in my life, I put on a smile, nodded my head, and said "how could I forget my favorite _____ (insert: aunt, cousin, uncle, etc)." MBL.

Last night I had curry and roti for dinner. Today someone asked me why my fingernails were yellow. MLB

Today, my white friend asked me what my parents would do as a profession once all the gas in the world was gone. MBL.

Today, my aunt gave me $100 as a going away to college present. Even though deep down I wanted the money, I had to refuse about 3-4 times, tell her that she doesn't have to, call my mom over to argue with her, and then take the money with a humble look on my face, even though deep down I was very, very happy. MBL.

Today, my friends who are girls came over my house to hang out with me. My mom was very kind to them and asked why they don't come over more. After they left, she told me "you better not be going out with any of those type of girls." MBL.

Today, my mom gasped as she saw one of my shoes upside down. She says the root of illness in our family. MBL.

Today, I realized that brown people act more ghetto than black people. MBL.

Today, I went to the gym and got a free 7 day trial. This is my 10th time getting it, each with different names. MBL.

Today, I went to church wearing a sleeveless shalwal kurta and got called a slut. MBL.

Today I met a south asian named "Justin." I asked him what his real name was and he wouldn't tell me. MBL.

Today, my baby cousin was born. I'm almost 25 years old. I'll be 45 when he's 20. MBL.