Today, my mom told me that if I ever kiss a guy I'll have to marry him immediately. MBL.

Today, my mom bought some jeans from Macy's and came home. She went to go check the mail and found a 20% off coupon for Macy's. She immediately went back to the store to return the jeans and buy them again with the coupon. MBL.

Today, I went to boy scouts camp for the first time. I was getting ready to change into a new pair of underwear and noticed that my mom put my initials on them just in case someone stole them. Who the hell would want to steal my underwear? MBL.

Today, my mom asked me what did one milk say to the other one in our fridge? "What is up dood?" She laughed nonstop for 2 minutes. MBL.

Every time I drive with my mom she glances at the speedometer every 30 seconds to make sure I am right at or under speed limit. MBL.

Today, my mom asked me if I hiccuped today since she missed me all day. I lied and said yes because I love my mom. MBL.

Today, my dad forgot how old I was. Instead of just asking me how old I was, he printed out a bullshit sub lease contract and told me I had to fill it out if I wanted to continue living at home. It only asked for my name, gender, and birth date. He didn't even ask for a signature. MBL.

Today, my desi doctor asked me if I was sexually active. She said I could trust her and she wouldn't tell my parents so I told her that I was. She told my parents, that bi*ch. MBL.

Today, I found a box of all the pens and pencils I found on the floor through out highschool. I never used them. MBL.

Today, my mom came home really pissed after work and went to the kitchen to cool down. MBL.

Today, my mom was learning how to search in google and couldn't find the letter "s" key. After 60 seconds of searching, she gets frustrated, slams the table and claims I hid the "s" key from her so she couldn't search for the "Sa Re Ga Ma Pa" videos. MBL.

Today, I refused to eat what my mom made for dinner because I wasn't hungry. An hour later, she came storming in my room telling me how she feels that I don't love and admire her for what she does for the family because I didn't have her food for one night. MBL.

Today, I changed my fat cousins ring tone to the "Hello Moto" motorola tone and called it saying "haha even your phone calls you motu." He got pissed and sat on me. MBL.