My girlfriend named me Kiran in her phone book just incase her parents read her text messages and view her call logs. MBL.

3 days ago I ate my mom's Haleem. Since that day, I have used the shitter 6-8 times a day. MBL.

Today my mom texted me saying "Hey bata, cell me." I think she said trying to say, "Hey beta, call me." MBL.

Today, I told my 3 year old cousin that he smells like poop. He came back at me and said, "teri ma." MBL.

I didn't feel like playing on my high school basketball team anymore. Instead of quitting the team months ago, I waited till I got my free basketball shoes and then quit. MBL.

Today, my mom still tells all the uncles and aunties that the way I got so tall was because I play a lot of basketball. I still don't know how she justifies this but they all believe her. MBL.

Today, my brown friend asked me where her "mo-by-al" phone was. MBL.

Today, my mom cleaned all the plastic forks and spoons that we ate with and put them back in the drawer for next time. MBL.

Today my mom asked me for my facebook login so she could panchat about her friends' kids and about all of my cousins by viewing their profiles. I now know the topic for tomorrow's one hour panchat session at the mosque: Sahira's husband's sister's (outline waali) niece's boyfriend. MLID.

Today, I ate McDonalds and asked for two buffalo sauces. While I was only able to complete one sauce, I saved the other sauce in the fridge as back up. MBL.

Today, Rachael Ray was cooking Indian food on the Food Network. My mom immediately felt threatened and told me to turn off the television. MBL.

Today, my mom asked me if I'm still sad that my favorite basketball player Michael Jackson had passed away. MBL.

Today my brown friend gave me a present for my birthday. She put my gift in the same gift bag that I gave her on her birthday. MBL.

At my graduation, instead of yelling and screaming my name when I got up, my family decided to play the dole and scream "hoy hoy hoy!" MBL.