Today, I looked at all the shirts that my dad wears. All of them had stains of PaanParak. MBL.

Today, my father offered to get me a Corvette if I go into Pre-Med. When I told him I wanted to do business he offered me a Tata. MBL.

Today, I was walking around my church with my friends and some lady made the "chichh chichh" noise. We all turned around thinking it was our mothers. MBL.

Today, my mom bought me an XL t-shirt. She told me I would "grow into it beta." WTF she expects me to grow to XL? MBL.

Today, my mother told me that I look "wery much handsome" when I part my hair to the side instead of spiking it up. MBL.

Today we ran out of hot sauce during dinner. Fortunately, my mother busted out with a container of KFC and Tacobell hotsauce packets. MBL.

Today I took my mom out to a restaurant to eat. When we got our food, the first thing she says is "I can make this at home, why don't you just pay me the $10 and keep the tip?" MBL.

Today, I asked my mom if I could go on a road trip with a group of friends and told her that group included boys. She said "of course you know I trust your friends' brothers." To fully appreciate the situation you would have to know none of my friends have brothers over 8 years old. MBL

Today, my mom asked me to take the trash out only to find out that it was actually 7 WALMART plastic bags with trash smelling like curry, MBL

Today, my mom tried to convince me eating the brains of an animal makes you smarter. MBL.

Today, my friend who has been at college for months came to my house to hang out with me. After he left, my mother, with the biggest smile on her face, eyebrows up, and nodding her head up and down commented, "He's getting very "healdy", isn't he?" MBL.

Today, my dad made a announcement at a family gathering he was going to move to "chi"-cago. MBL

Today, instead of buying food at movies, my mom brought a big purse of candy and started selling it in the theater. MBL.

Today, I took my sister out to lunch and all I could think about was if she would pay for me or if I would have to pay for her. MBL.

Today, my dad brought home a dog from the pound. My mom yelled and ran around in circles, then some how broke the coffee table. The dog didn't even chase her. MBL.