I'm good friends with the guy who made this website. MBL.

D.S.T. = DESI STANDARD TIME

Today, my wife said to me "Cant you say we've been married for 24 years instead of almost a quarter of a century?" MBL.

Today, I took my sister out to lunch and all I could think about was if she would pay for me or if I would have to pay for her. MBL.

Today I watched "Davinchi Code" with my mom. I've never seen her so confused in my life. MBL.

Officer Palumbo: What kind of name is that anyhow? Kumar? What is that five o's or two u's? Kumar: No, it's actually one "u" Officer Palumbo: Yeah... bullshit. My name is Kumar and I hear this shit everyday from my white friends. MBL.

Today, I realized how cheap my friends are when one of them borrowed my Nike sweats and tried to sell it back to me when I asked for them back. MBL.

Today, I asked my friend to come with me to the FILL-UMS. MBL.

Today, I went to subway and got free chips and a drink because the employee was brown. When I said thank you the lady replied, "Mention not." MBL.

Today, I accidentally said "it went wery vell." I was born in the US. MBL.

"Yo MLID and ISD, I'm gonna let you finish. But MBL is one of the best Indian websites of all time!" - Kanye West

the only two times my parents have watched the oscars have been when lagaan and slumdog were nominated. MBL.

Today, my father offered to get me a Corvette if I go into Pre-Med. When I told him I wanted to do business he offered me a Tata. MBL.

Today, my mom went to Walmart to buy some lettuce but came back with about 10 bags of groceries in her hand and said "I was only suppose to buy the lettuce but I couldn't stop myself." MBL.

Today, we found a way to fit 6 of us in my Toyota Corolla. Can you white people do that? MBL.

Today, my friend called me a "shit fu*k." What the hell is a "shit fu*k?" MBL.

Today, my best friend asked me "How park did you far?." MBL.

Today, I looked at all the shirts that my dad wears. All of them had stains of PaanParak. MBL.

Today, my mom got an american flag sticker for my car so people won't think I'm a terrorist. MBL.

Today, instead of being happy that Anoop Desai, a fellow desi, made it far in American Idol, my Paki mother hoped that "Indian baaasturd" would lose. MBL.

Today, my dad made a announcement at a family gathering he was going to move to "chi"-cago. MBL

Today, my sister asked me how many touchdowns my hockey team scored. MBL.

Today, I asked my mom if I could go to a party. Her direct response was, "Where is this 'party sharty' that you are going to?" MBL.

Today, my white friend asked me if I ever randomly stopped what I was doing and started singing randomly, while all the people around me some how knew all the dance steps and lyrics to my song. MBL.

Today, my dad taught my little cousin how to swim. He threw him into the pool and watched. It worked. MBL.

Today, I told my uncle I was going to the NBA. He laughed and said "brown man can't jump." MBL.

Tonight, my mom wouldn't let me finish my english project at night because it required cutting some paper. The project is due tomorrow. She rather have me fail than have bad luck. MBL.

Today, my friends were making fun of a girl with a mustache. She walked by and they pointed her out. That girl is my sister. MBL.

Today, I watched Titanic with my parents and covered my eyes when the red head stripped down naked. I'm 30 years old. MBL.

Today, I checked facebook and saw about 6 friend requests from brown guys located in india and pakistan telling me how pretty I am. Why can't no brown boy from america say the same to me? MBL.

Today, my baby cousin was born. I'm almost 25 years old. I'll be 45 when he's 20. MBL.

Today my mom asked me how school was and I said boring. She proceeded to beat me with a belan at home.MBL

Today, I had a staring competition against the brown lady in the Toyota Camry. She totally blinked first. MBL.

Today i was talking to my brown friends. I have pretty light skin, so they start making fun of me for having "white boy" skin. MBL.

2 times in my life I've seen my dad cry: the first was when I told him I had a boyfriend, the second was when I told him I broke up with my boyfriend. The difference: the second was of happiness. MBL

Tonight, I got drunk, made out with a guy, and puked all over the floor. Tomorrow, people I don\'t even know will call me a slut. MBL.

Today, instead saying "worry less," my mom told me to "fiqer less." MBL.

Today, my dad made me clean both our washrooms , which were extremely dirty, only because , "his mom cleaned his washroom when he was young".MBL

Today, my mom made me walk back over my sister, because walking over her once would apparently keep her short. MBL.

Today, instead of buying food at movies, my mom brought a big purse of candy and started selling it in the theater. MBL.

Today, I was walking around my church with my friends and some lady made the "chichh chichh" noise. We all turned around thinking it was our mothers. MBL.

Today, I discovered that my dad recycles his toothpicks. MBL

Today, my mom tried to convince me eating the brains of an animal makes you smarter. MBL.

Today, there were 4 dhai cartons in the fridge. None of them contained dhai. MBL.

Today, my father got mad and yelled at a man for doing a U - turn in the middle of the street ... right after he did

When I was little, my mother used to make pissing noises when she wanted me to pee. She claimed it would magically make me piss even when I didn't want to. It always worked. MBL.

Today, my friend who has been at college for months came to my house to hang out with me. After he left, my mother, with the biggest smile on her face, eyebrows up, and nodding her head up and down commented, "He's getting very "healdy", isn't he?" MBL.

Today my mom was packing to go visit Pakistan. She packed 2 suitcases, one for her clothes, and the other for candy, shampoo, lotion, spaghetti, perfume, and deodorant to give as gifts to my relatives. Who the hell gives spaghetti as a gift? MBL.

Today, I brought a girl over after the club and told her to be extra quite so she won't wake up my "roommates." My roommates are my parents. MBL.

Today, I told this hot white girl "Once you've had Persian there's no other version." It didn't work. MBL.

Today, my dad forgot how old I was. Instead of just asking me how old I was, he printed out a bullshit sub lease contract and told me I had to fill it out if I wanted to continue living at home. It only asked for my name, gender, and birth date. He didn't even ask for a signature. MBL.

Today, I got an invite for a malu (south indian) flag football tournament. I checked the creators of the group and wasn't surprised to see all their last names as "Thomas." MBL.

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate for the first time the other night when he asked me if I had any protection. Embarrassed, I told him I still had the condoms my previous relationship left but they probably would be too small for him. The condoms engulfed his penis with room to spare. MBL.

Today, I realized that the same hand I use to wipe my ghand is the same hand I use to eat food. MBL.

Today, I brought home food from chili's in a to-go box and ate it that night. The next day my mom used the same to-go box to put my lunch in. MBL.

Today at church they announced that the person with the "Toyota Camry" needs to move their car. About half the people got up and went to go check. MBL.

Today, my friend asked me what my favorite tv channel was. Instead of saying Z-TV, I accidently said "Zed-TV." MBL.

Today, I saw this really cute brown kid in my class. After my teacher called attendance, I immediately got on facebook to find him and contemplated whether or not to add him as a friend. MBL.

Today, I spent an excruciating three hours trying to study for a biology exam but couldn't concentrate for some reason. It was only after my mom finished talking on the phone in the next room that I realized her extremely loud conversation had kept me from paying attention for the whole three hours. MBL

Today, my dad brought home a dog from the pound. My mom yelled and ran around in circles, then some how broke the coffee table. The dog didn't even chase her. MBL.

Today, at the movies, my dad looked at a movie poster with al pacino and said, "look, beta, there's al cappucino." He was serious. MBL.

Today I called Dell Support to fix a problem I was having with my laptop. After an hour, the Indian support rep was unsuccessful with solving my problem. Occasionally he would get frustrated with me and start calling me a "bevakoof gandu" to his co-worker thinking I was an American. Yeah I ratted his ass out, got him fired, and got me a brand new Dell laptop. Whose the "bevakoof gandu" now you chod face? MBL.

Today, my mom called me 4 times in the span of an hour asking where I was and when I would come home. I'm 24 years old. MBL.

Today, my family went to a restaurant where they offered free refills on drinks. My dad ordered one drink and 6 empty glasses. MBL.

Today, my father told me we would go on a family vacation to India. Who the hell vacations in India? MBL.

Today, I went to boy scouts camp for the first time. I was getting ready to change into a new pair of underwear and noticed that my mom put my initials on them just in case someone stole them. Who the hell would want to steal my underwear? MBL.

Today my mom texted me saying "Hey bata, cell me." I think she said trying to say, "Hey beta, call me." MBL.

Today, my dad told me he got an iPod. When I asked him what kind, he responded "Apple." MBL

Today, I received 5 T-shirts from relatives in Pakistan. They all say "Adidaas." MBL

Today, my mom asked me to take the trash out only to find out that it was actually 7 WALMART plastic bags with trash smelling like curry, MBL

Today we ran out of hot sauce during dinner. Fortunately, my mother busted out with a container of KFC and Tacobell hotsauce packets. MBL.

Today, the big mug that I got free from my university was the same mug I was washing my ass with on the commode. MBL.

Today I caught my mom red handed. She stole the towels from the hotel we stayed at. MBL.

Today, I told my sister that the mendhi she puts on her hands smells worse than my shit. She slapped me while the mendhi was still wet. Now my face smells like shit. MBL.

Today, I put aside about 20 old shirts to donate that I knew I would never wear. Tonight I come back and see that my mom decided to keep 10 of my shirts for herself, put 5 back in my closet for me to wear, and used 2 as cleaning rags. Totaling only 3 shirts that I will donate. MBL.

Today at walmart our total was $14.73. Instead of giving $15, my mom gave $14 and took an extra 5 minutes trying to find .74 cents so that she wouldn't have to break a dollar. MBL.

Today, my family ditched Coca Cola for Pak Cola. Not because of better taste, but because it supports our country. MBL.

Today, I found out that I have hair in places I shouldn't. MBL.

Today, my mother tried to to web cam my sister in London. For hours she couldn't figure out why my sister couldn't see her. I came home and found the problem. The web cam wasn't plugged in. Problem solved. MBL.

Today, my mom gasped as she saw one of my shoes upside down. She says the root of illness in our family. MBL.

Today, I changed my fat cousins ring tone to the "Hello Moto" motorola tone and called it saying "haha even your phone calls you motu." He got pissed and sat on me. MBL.